Actually, yes, let’s call this a comeback cause I’ve been gone for quite some time. Most of my writing (if any) has been on my instagram or in my journal, but today I woke up with an itch to reopen this blog. Maybe it’s because I’m in a situation that has forced me to stop and analyze myself or maybe I just miss being vulnerable and bonding with the teeny few of you who read my posts.. the world may never know….. but here I am.
A few concerts, museum discoveries, realizations, a new job, and some mistakes later, here I am. Isn’t it crazy how time flies? It’s been 6 months since I last wrote on here yet it feels like last week. Life has a not so gentle way of reminding you that time is passing, whether you take advantage of it or not. Yikes.
I remember being a high schooler and having dreams of traveling the world and helping people. Eight years later and all I’m really thinking about is paying off my debt and trying to be healthy. Why does it feel like adulting equates to putting your dreams in the back-burner? It’s like there’s no time to do the things that make my heart full. Disclaimer: I know that if I really try I can have a lot more free time but I’m hoping you can kind of see my point. Cultivating friendships is harder because everyone’s got their own thing going on.. being reliable sounds good until it means you’re giving up your little bit of free time… it’s so hard not to be pooped after work.. the list goes on.
Life is busy. Busy busy busy. It’s kind of awesome because it keeps you distracted from the messy stuff. But when was the last time you paused and analyzed your character? Do you like where your life is headed? Are you losing yourself in meaningless things? How are you feeding your spirit?
These are questions I’ve been asking myself.. and I’m realizing that:
- Things I did out of love now feel like a chore because I’m “tired”.
- Choices I was once proud of, I find myself regretting.
- I barely make time to do the things I used to really enjoy.
So why am I back, and why am I spilling my guts out to you?
Well.. because I’m hoping that in encouraging myself to take a hard look inside, I can encourage you to pause and realign your focus as well. I don’t want to live a meaningless life. I don’t want to forget the promises that God has given me. I don’t want to lose myself in my job, or find my identity in things that don’t matter. I don’t want life to pass me by without knowing that I lived it fully.
So note to self, (and those who may be reading): stop letting fear direct your choices. Do more of what you love even if it means doing it alone. Reach out to that person you think you’d be good friends with but have never talked to. Learn to budget if it means working less and living more. Point out the good in people. Smile at strangers. Click the “publish” button even if you’re low key nervous of what people might think. Whatever makes your heart full, do that.