It’s been so long since my last post and so much has happened since then (I feel like I’ve written this before, ha). Anyway, please bear with me as I try to piece together the things my heart has been processing these last couple of weeks.
Some time ago I decided that I would study the book of John. Being that John was “the disciple whom Jesus loved”, I wanted to reread the book with that in mind. I’ve been a believer for about 6-7 years now and if I’m being honest, it is so easy for me to fall into the “I’ve already read this before *eye roll*” kind of attitude. You know what I’m talking about? It’s like I know God can speak to me in different ways through the same scripture but my flesh fights me so hard on this.
Anyway, there are so many key truths in this book but today I want to focus on one that wrecked me. If you follow me on Instagram, you already know which one I’m talking about. It comes in on John 5:39-40:
39 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, 40 yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
(For context, Jesus is in Jerusalem healing people on the Sabbath and the Jews want to kill him because he’s breaking all the “rules”)
Sabbath: a day of religious observance and abstinence from work, kept by Jews from Friday evening to Saturday evening. (so yeah.. they were upset because doing absolutely nothing for the sake of religion is apparently more important than healing people who have been disabled for their entire lives)
You see, I know that Jesus died for relationship and NOT
religion, but reading these words and knowing that they literally came out of His mouth wrecked me. He died that we would have access to His presence, not just so we could read a book and know about Him, but so we could know Him. Like really know Him. It blows my mind how so many people are turned off by Christianity because they think it’s about following bunch of rules and memorizing words… when God himself is so clear about His heart towards us.
Some people spend their whole lives reading the Bible and never encountering it’s Author intimately. Having so much knowledge yet never experiencing the fullness that God promises us.
I believe that these people cause more harm than good. They carry the pride of knowing Scripture and think that somehow this qualifies them to tear other people apart. They read words on a page and interpret them as they see fit, instead of coming to Jesus that they may have life and revelation.
You’re not meant to walk this Christian walk alone. God doesn’t require you to have it all together and He’s not afraid of your doubts and your questions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been confused by something that I read, upset with God for not getting things my way, disappointed, the list goes on (I have stories for daysssssss, hehe).
My natural response when I sin is to bottle things up and distance myself from God.. but when I finally acknowledge that He already knows what’s inside and I really, like reallllllly open up.. He gives me breakthrough like I’ve never known. He’s taught me that He desires the kind of vulnerability that doesn’t require fancy, well though out words.. sometimes those words come in the form of tears and that’s enough for Him too.
I recently watched The Heart of Man on Netflix, and this quote from Tony Anderson that God is currently teaching me:
“When I choose to run from Him, into the darkness, He’s with me in that moment and He’s not angry and His facial expression is fixed on mine, and He’s loving me. And He wasn’t demanding that I stop. He was demanding that I invite Him into that moment to help me understand how I got into that moment, and what’s beneath that moment, and to help me search for what I’m really searching for.”
Am I perfect? NOOOOOO. Is my relationship with God where I would like for it to be? No. But one thing that no one can take away from me is that I have found the One whom my soul loves. Have you?
My jams lately: